So, the last few days have been rough, to say the least. And this has to do with my emotions and how I'm handling them sans food. I know there are things I need to do differently, being more patient, trying to find out why I feel this or that way, etc. I also need more church...more God in my life. I had the greatest thing happen yesterday as a result of this need...
I had emailed a church's secretary, this weekend, to discuss visiting the church and learning more about it. She emailed me yesterday morning suggesting we just get together, since it was easier to talk in person about the ongoings of the church then it was to explain it through email. I emailed her back, saying I was free this morning, and that I would love to just come to the church and meet with her if that was okay. Later in the evening, my temper got the best of me, and lots of yelling happened. I tend to take the slightest things personally, and have a problem separating my children's actions--their not-listening or not having manners--from a personal attack on me. I feel like when they don't listen I am losing control of the situation, and have a hard time seeing it differently. While laying in my room (Calming down from said temper) I started messing with my phone and checked my email. At about 5 minutes before I checked it, the secretary had emailed me back suggesting I come at 10:30. Perfect. It really couldn't have come at a better time. That is what I need.
In general, all of the uprising of emotions causes me to eat, to not be aware of how my body is taking the heat for my inability to keep my emotional duress in check. Anything I can do to help even that out--whether it's work out more, eat less, attend church--just anything that will allow me to feel freer in my emotional states, more patient and deserving of what I do have, and more willing to give up what I don't have control over, I need to work on. I need to realize that not everything is in my control. I cannot force my children to eat. But, in an effort to coerce them, I can involve them more in the cooking process. I cannot force my children to sleep, but I can put them to bed at a decent hour, allowing them to relax until sleep finally takes over. These are things I need to focus on, reflect on, hopefully build upon as the days go by.
This is what I really need.