Saturday, January 29, 2011

I know what I want....Now what?!?!

I haven't written in a few days.  That's okay, because life gets busy, and sometimes I forget that I am keeping track.  Whether it's Awanas, church, school, kids, friends, work, housework...oh, geez, doen't matter what it is--it keeps us busy.  So, where in there do I fit all the things I want? I made this ridiculously positive list of things I want, the first month is coming to an end, and I am still nowhere closer than I was at the beginning. 
Well, I guess I have to find here we are backtracking again, finding time has to come before the other things.  And in a celebratory gesture of sorts, today I bought pre-made, store bought, corporation mixed laundry detergent. *Sigh.* But that is one of those things that takes up time I could be using on something else.  I have made my own laundry soap for about 8 months now, and while I like it, and it really only takes about 15 minutes to make, those are 15 minutes I could be walking, working out, or making a salad instead of a boxed snack. 
I also have to start being more proactive--getting my homework done by Wednesday, instead of spending the weekend time doing it.  Keeping up with the housework instead of going behind and picking up after everyone.  Making sure the kids' stuff is done before we do anything else.  Basically, stay ahead of the game, not playing "catch up."  There is no reason for "catch up." And laziness is it's only perpetrator (I love that word! lol). 
That being said, I also think I am going to go back to Weight Watchers.  It's easy to "watch what I eat," until I eat something bad and have no idea how to get back on track.  Hopefully, this will make me more aware of what I am eating and what I should be eating, etc.
And I'm gonna work out.
Really, I am.
If I do that, then I should be on my way.  Assuming I remember it all. Sheesh. :-)

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Finding ME

This week has certainly taken me off the beaten path.  Stress, sickness and several other factors have pushed my diet to the wayside, leaving me behind to fend for myself.  I realize after the incidents of this week, that I have to be in a good place to lose weight.  I cannot feel like I want to cry all the time.  I cannot feel like I need to eat all the time.  I have to know who I am, what I want, and where I'm going.

Except, it's not really that easy.

That being said, I guess I am changing it up slightly.  One step each week.  Baby steps have fine-tuned themselves into pre-baby steps, LOL.  I need to start at the very beginning.  I am going to start a journal.  My goal this week is write down everything I want: the weight I want to be, the job (or kind of job) I want to have, the kind of house I want, where I want to travel, etc.  That has to be the first thing.  Then, all the ideas I have, the thoughts and fears I have about the future will be down on paper, easy to find, easy to access, understand, and most importantly, easy to get started on. No more gimmicks, no more crazy schemes, just simple life, to the point, without the stress involved now. 

At least one of the things that was on the list is already off: I am pretty sure we found a nice church to attend.  This last Sunday we attended service at St. Peter's United Methodist.  And it was fantastic.  Pastor Megan talked about the different types of anger, how God shows us how to deal with it, and that there are types that are okay--something I really needed to hear.  Eli was allowed to leave the service with the other school aged children to attend "Truthseekers," a special kids service during the sermon.  He LOVED it and can't wait to go back next week.  Everybody made us feel very warm and welcome.  I may have found my place there.

So, today I begin a new journey, not just about my weight, but about me, where I came from, where I'm going, and what I need and want.  Hopefully this is the best way to find ME. :)

Friday, January 21, 2011

Advice on Getting Fit...a.k.a. HELP!! ;)

So, I need some input on the workout situation...and some help/suggestions/advice on what is best/easiest/works well.  As we all know, I have two kids and I would love to be able to go walking.  My 6 year old is too old for a stroller, too young to stay at home by himself, but its too cold to have him go with me.  Even when it is warmer its difficult to go very far because he tires easily.  My daughter is 3, and I can put her in a stroller, but its too cold, and my stroller is a little umbrella one and not conducive to walking or running.
That being said, I like my walk at home workouts, but feel they are not difficult enough.  (I tried 30 day shred, and that was a little harsh for me lol).  Because of the kids being in tow, going to the gym isn't really worth it since it would spend more time just getting there than I would get out of it money-wise. 
Really, I need some suggestions.  We are moving in April to a bigger place, so I had thought about saving up for an elliptical after we move--since we'll have room for it.  Other than that, I got nothing! LOL  I would love some website suggestions, moves I haven't thought of, anything and everything that will help!! In advance, THANK YOU!!

Thursday, January 20, 2011


There are days (like today) when I realize certain things about my life. Today I realized the following:
1. I don't like change.  But sometimes I have to.  Sometimes God gives me the biggest sign ever (like yesterday at what I hope will become our new church home) and I need to go with it. Do the things I need to do.  Go the places I need to go.  Buck up, sign up, join up, and follow through.
2. My current plan to make everything healthier for the kids is not going to work.  If I want to do things healthier than I am now, I am going to have to take the things I do now and make them healthier...not introduce an entirely new menu.  If I want spaghetti? Make my own sauce and use whole wheat pasta.  Chicken nuggets? Bread my own lean chicken breast, and make the ranch dipping sauce from scratch. So that game plan has to change enough to suit my needs, but keep in mind my children's tastebuds as well.
3. Working out is a lot easier when I set the kids up with breakfast and a movie before I work out.  I used to try to wake up early and do it, and rarely got around to it.  It's so much easier to just wake up when they do and then do it.  My breakfast never takes long anyway, but it takes them about 30 minutes to eat every meal (at least) so it's the perfect time to fit in some exercise (that's for you Mary lol).
4. I know why I eat so much: to push aside the things I don't want to think about.  Thoughts about what I don't have, the job I can't seem to get, the chores I can't get done.  These are things I constantly worry about, and I shouldn't. At all. Ever.  The things I don't have, I don't need (or I would already have them). And the way my life has worked out, is a lot better for what I have experienced and lived through.  I have two beautiful children, a home, a job, and I'm about to have my Bachelor's Degree.  I have great friends and family who love and support me.  In a nutshell, I have everything I need. And I'm grateful.
So, from here on out, I am going to remain positive, full force and on the ball.  I am going to have the things I want (not need) and will be grateful even when I don't have them.  I am going to work on the things that I need to do--school, working out, time with the kids.  But I am only one person, and I can't allow those things to worry me if they don't get done--housework will still be there tomorrow, and the laundry will too. 
And the best realization of all: I am one person, working hard, trying to make it by with a prayer and a plan.  It'll all come together.  God always makes sure it does. :)

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

What I Need...

So, the last few days have been rough, to say the least.  And this has to do with my emotions and how I'm handling them sans food.  I know there are things I need to do differently, being more patient, trying to find out why I feel this or that way, etc.  I also need more church...more God in my life.  I had the greatest thing happen yesterday as a result of this need...
I had emailed a church's secretary, this weekend, to discuss visiting the church and learning more about it.  She emailed me yesterday morning suggesting we just get together, since it was easier to talk in person about the ongoings of the church then it was to explain it through email.  I emailed her back, saying I was free this morning, and that I would love to just come to the church and meet with her if that was okay.  Later in the evening, my temper got the best of me, and lots of yelling happened.  I tend to take the slightest things personally, and have a problem separating my children's actions--their not-listening or not having manners--from a personal attack on me.  I feel like when they don't listen I am losing control of the situation, and have a hard time seeing it differently.  While laying in my room (Calming down from said temper) I started messing with my phone and checked my email.  At about 5 minutes before I checked it, the secretary had emailed me back suggesting I come at 10:30.  Perfect. It really couldn't have come at a better time.  That is what I need. 
In general, all of the uprising of emotions causes me to eat, to not be aware of how my body is taking the heat for my inability to keep my emotional duress in check.  Anything I can do to help even that out--whether it's work out more, eat less, attend church--just anything that will allow me to feel freer in my emotional states, more patient and deserving of what I do have, and more willing to give up what I don't have control over, I need to work on.  I need to realize that not everything is in my control.  I cannot force my children to eat.  But, in an effort to coerce them, I can involve them more in the cooking process.  I cannot force my children to sleep, but I can put them to bed at a decent hour, allowing them to relax until sleep finally takes over.  These are things I need to focus on, reflect on, hopefully build upon as the days go by.
This is what I really need.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Monday Morning Mayhem

Geez, am I tired! Didn't get home til 2, and then suddenly had a second wind when I got here.  What's that about? When I did finally sleep, it was uninterrupted, so that's a good thing, but I'm still wore out.  On a plus note, the stress seems to be waning at the moment, and school has hit the top of the priority list--it wasn't looking good last week.  So, on that note, Monday has become my goal-setting day for the week.  While I have larger goals that I have already entered in an earlier blog, I want there to be little ones each week as well. That way I have broken it down farther to make it easier on my self.
Goal #1 this week is to put more focus on school and studying.  Instead of putting things off, like usual, I am going to jump in, head first and get everything knocked out early.  And to be more active in my discussions.  Most of what I learn and understand will come from that, making it easier to study and get a grasp on the material.
Goal #2 is to begin to cut out the preservatives and junk food that we eat.  I have realized that while I don't want to completely take everything away from the kids (cookies, candy, etc.--I can keep it to a minimum) they really don't mind eating better stuff.  For example, last night for a bed time snack, I made them peanut butter dip (equal parts peanut butter and vanilla yogurt, with a dash of cinnamon) and cut up apples to put in it.  Not only is it better for them, but they are having fruit and protein, which will keep their bellies full so they can sleep better.  This will also may prove to be difficult since I use creamer in my coffee and drink a lot of diet soda.  But, I am going to get flavored coffee, use skim milk in it, and stevia as a sweetener, and go from there.
Goal #3 is to work out at least 3 times this week.  And not a little bitty work out, either.  Full force, crazy woman, sweaty grossness that makes me wanna die work out. :) It's the plan any
So, here it begins, on this crazy Monday to work and to begin my goals.  Wish me luck!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Brought to you by banana oatmeal :)

It's the truth: this post is actually being typed from the other side of a bowl of oatmeal. It's from quick-cooking oats, cooked on the stove, with a fresh sliced banana, vanilla extract and some sweetener.  And it's delicious. Even better than this oatmeal is having weighed myself this morning, and seeing that I am down (that's right, down) to 195.  Yes, folks, I lost weight this week!! Yesterday was salad, salad, oatmeal, more salad, some fruit, pb&applebutter, salad, popcorn and a granola bar.  Did I mention I ate a lot of salad? LOL
So, there you have it--freaking out for nothing, LOL.
I will say it's been a very very stressful week.  School is really kicking my behind, and with the snow I missed a lot of work. But in the end, it all worked out as it should. :)

Thank you again to all the people who are cheering me on! It's so nice to have a cheering section rooting for me!

Saturday, January 15, 2011

A Baby Step

I popped awake this morning, and my first thought was "YAY!" While I didn't do an overly exciting and 100% perfect job yesterday, I was slightly inspired by a couple of different things, and made it through the day without a major snafu. I started reading Kim Barnouin's Skinny Bitch: Ultimate Everyday Cookbook.  This is truly "gung-ho." She really lets you have it, and in simple and fun terms. This with the combination of my friends' support, and that every present lurking of the SCALE, lol, made for a very motivated and goal-oriented day. 
I did have a "midnight snack" (which was actually about 2 am) but it was a peanut butter sandwich (light on the pb) and a granola bar.  While these things are prepackaged, so ultimately not fantastic for me, it was still all I ate.  So, I feel good, almost like it was a "tie" for the day, rather than a loss.  I'm movin' on up!
In addition, I ate salad all day yesterday.  I had a banana for breakfast, salad for lunch, salad/spicy thai soup for dinner, salad and popcorn for a snack. :) It makes me happy. I love salad.  I love veggies.  I love fruit.  I love all of those things that are "good for you."  The problem is that I love the junk as well.  But yesterday, oh yesterday! Yay! So, hopefully this means that I'm on my way up the hill, instead of one step forward and two steps back.
Once small step for me, a huge step toward my ideal weight.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Game Time

Obviously, thus far, things are not going well.  But, as Mary says, I probably am being too hard on myself.  I agree with that, but I also think I have to be.  I can't lose weight by winging it every day.  I won't get healthy by binging or fit (and therefore able to run or do other sports) by laying around being lazy.  So it's time to change the plan...add a few things, let a few things go...
My goals will essentially be the same, however, how I get there will be a little different, allowing myself to drink diet Coke, which I hadn't been doing.  That is one of my biggest addictions.  And while I am sure that drinking Diet Coke is not the best thing for me, it has to be healthier than binging all the time.  I can only change one portion of my life at once.  So, while I am going to try to quit drinking so much soda eventually, I can't do it right now.  It'll just have to wait.
For now, I will be focusing on my eating.  I am going to incorporate --which is a fantastic eating right program, focusing on the things that I need to work on in my eating habits everyday.  This week: eat more salad!! I can handle that I think! Baby steps!
So, with that being put out there, I also want to say how much I appreciate all of my friends and family who are supporting me on this little journey.  Hopefully, from here on out, I have my game face on, because I'm in it to win it (or lose it lol) Thanks for coming--it's game time!!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

5 Minute Soup (The New American Heart Association Cookbook)

Made this for lunch, and could not possibly have loved it anymore--its so simple, so healthy and so freaking tasty!!

5 Minute Soup
Serves 6
4 cups Chicken Broth (I used bouillon cubes in boiling water)
1/2 large zucchini, sliced very thin
4-6 medium mushrooms, sliced (I used about 6 or 7)
2 cups shredded fresh spinach or cabbage
1 medium tomato, cubed
1/2 cup cooked chicken  or lean meat, shredded (I used leftover turkey from Thanksgiving that was still in my freezer)

Put all ingredients in a stockpot or large saucepan, bring to a boil.  Reduce heat and simmer about 5 minutes.  Serve hot.

53 calories, 1 gram of fat, and low in sodium.

Also, discovered Green Goddess dressing base from Penzeys Spice Shop--AMAZING! Think I'm in love...LOL

Today I Learned...

I could start this day's blog by telling you all the things that are wrong with me.  Discussing what I need to do differently, and what I need to change about me to accomplish all that I want to do. And originally, when I sat down to type today's blog post, that's how it started.  The only thing is, it doesn't matter.  Talking does nothing--except put into a published post all the things I want to do as opposed to the things I should just do. I can discuss all the things that make me fat, the things that make me binge, and while I am on the hunt to change those things, it is important to uncover them.  But for now, I need to focus on the things that were good about my day.
I ate no candy yesterday, no sugar-y foods.  While this isn't a great feat, it is pretty spectacular considering that I usually eat crap all day long or at least during the hour before I go to bed.  I worked out yesterday.  It was only one mile, but one is better than none.  And I took the Nutrition Prescription "quiz" and found the results to be worse than I expected.  However, I took the step to do the quiz, and am happy to find that every area I need help in is fixable and changeable. 
Think about all the things you don't like about yourself.  Are you angry a lot? It's fixable.  Is your hair crazy? It's fixable.  Do you eat out of control (like me, lol)? It's fixable.  There is always something that can be done to create a better lifestyle for you.  For ME!! I am the only one who can fix all of these problems I find within my self.  I am the only who can do it, make the change and live better, healthier--thinner. It's all about me, and my choices.  It always has been, and I have to remember that.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

How the First Day Went...

..."not well" is a good generalization.  It didn't go bad necessarily, but it certainly wasn't good.  The thing is, I have an eating problem--when I get frustrated or angry, I eat to subside my feelings.  So, I was very frustrated yesterday with how I was handling things, and ate two small packages of swedish fish, and two packages (single serving) of M&Ms.  I know it isn't much, but the problem is that I did it, not in how much.  I have to figure out a different way of dealing with the overeating thing, and am not sure how to go about it. 

Other than that, I ate pretty healthy:oatmeal, salad, veggie soup, baked potato, fruit, all the good stuff...and then some. 

So, all in all, I guess it wasn't terrible...I did get up this morning and workout, even though I had every intention of not doing so. That makes me happy.  I overcame a problem.  And I guess that's what this is--overcoming a problem, one step at a time.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Snow Day (Day 1)

Starting weight: 198 (fairly encouraging that I have lost weight the last few days, even though binging was an integral part of each of those days...)

Workout: Mile 1 on Biggest Loser Power Walk.  I actually got sweaty and was out of breath--those are good things I haven't had in a while.

Breakfast is coffee sweetened with the pink stuff and fat free skinny caramel macchiato creamer; homemade strawberry oatmeal, pineapple tidbits and a 100 calorie pack of almonds and walnuts.

Feelings this morning:
Well, for starters I am excited to be snowed in.  My momma even called to make sure I stayed home.  Her 12 minute drive took 40 minutes in the snow this morning.  Maybe I'll get brave and take the kids out in it to play later...but that's a big maybe.  But, I called my boss and he said stay home, which he don't have to tell me twice!
That being said, I'm also stuck inside with all the food today, as well, so Day 1 starts with a bit of a challenge, to say the least. I'm nervous of course, and excited.  Nervous, because blogging about my little adventure forces me to look my problems in the face: my overeating/binging, and inability to admit that I am overweight.  I see myself as "I like myself, so I don't need to diet." But that isn't the truth--I hate the way I look.  And until now I have done nothing about it.
I am also excited though.  I like the thought of being an active person, getting out with the kids. And running--oh, I can see myself as a runner and loving it.  I can see myself cooking fresher, picking out fresh new veggies with the kids at the farmer's market, and helping them learn better ways to cook, and exciting new recipes to try.  Growing our own vegetables--better yet, having the stamina to keep up with all of these things!
So, here's to being skinny and fit and happy about it all! Here's to being proud of myself and facing my problems head on.  Here's to the idea that I can do it--I can lose weight, be healthy and show my kids what life is really about.
Here's to the Snow Day, Day 1, because that is the first step in getting everything I want. :)

Sunday, January 9, 2011


I am so nervous to get things started tomorrow.  This morning, Audrey (my three year old daughter) and I are having smoothies (homemade with skim milk) and oatmeal.  This is a good thing, and I should be excited.  But the problem lies in the fact that I am always able to start the day correctly, eat breakfast, lunch, a good snack and a sensible dinner.  It's that late night that I'm nervous about.

I must say though, that I weighed myself this morning, and it seems that I lost 2 lbs from yesterday (down to 199) which is fairly encouraging because I ate a McDonald's cheeseburger and a hot fudge sundae, among other things.  I was trying hard to keep some of my stamina going from this week, since Monday was the shot date and I didn't want to go overboard, but I just couldn't keep my grubby paws off that junk food.

The other problem with this, is that I am trying to get a better handle on my finances.  I want to pay off my debt and be done with it.  Period.  I want to get better with my money--which don't get me wrong, I've come a long way--but I still have miles and miles to go.  So this goes hand and hand.  I need to be coinciding my budget and weight loss efforts to make sure I have the best of both worlds.

So, that being said, I am off to fight another day.  I will definitely be writing tomorrow, as it is day one. So long to being fat!! (Hopefully.)

Saturday, January 8, 2011

My Weight is a problem.

Most people who know me do not know that I weight 201 lbs.  All of my friends say, "No way do you weigh that much!" which is nice, but unfortunately not the case.  I am unhealthy, overweight (considered in the obese category) and unhappy about it all. 

So, this is my attempt (and hopefully successful one) at getting it under control.  My goals are as follows:
1. I want to feel better in general by March 1st.
2. I want to lose 40 lbs by May 1st.  This may fluctuate as muscle weighs more than fat, and really I want to feel better overall and look good (to myself).
3. I want to be able to run a 5k within the next year.

That being said, here are the changes I want to make:
1. I want to work out 6 days a week.  I recently purchased the Biggest Loser Power Walk, which is exceptional, and hopefully following the routine will walk a complete marathon in three weeks (27 miles total in a three week period).
2. I want to cut out soda for the most part.  This I have actually been doing a pretty good job so far, and have only bought 2 or 3 sodas since the beginning of the year.  Usually, I buy soda every day, and keep a 12 pack at home, which only lasts a couple of days, if that. 
3. I want to cut out the junk food in my diet.  Eating better is half the battle.  It doesn't matter if I eat a ton, assuming it is good for me.  My biggest problem is right before bed, just gorging on things that I know aren't good for me...candy, cookies, eating 4 or 5 muffins at a time, etc.
4. Getting out of the house with the kids.  This is a real issue for me too.  I am horrible about getting out of my comfort zone.  I don't ever go out, don't do things that people invite me too.  This includes getting out to do things like walk and hike, go to the park, everything.  And I need to get out and do these things before it gets too bad... It will also help to be physically active and be able to keep up with them when they are running and playing, etc.
5. I want to start learning how to cook healthier and fresher.  I can't wait until March/April when the farmer's markets open back up.  I wanna be able to use their produce to create things healthier for the kids and I. I love to cook, now I just need to be doing a healthier job of it.

I would love to hear other suggestions and ideas! Anyone want to join me in my endeavor? I would love to have some company :)

Here we go!!